Rachel Lindsay Gets Real About 'Bachelor' Producers, 'Toxic' Fandom

Rachel Lindsay detailed her time with Bachelor Nation and her relationship with Chris Harrison in a new op-ed — read more

Speaking her truth. Rachel Lindsay officially ended her contract with Bachelor Nation in April, but now, is sharing exactly what led to that choice.

The season 13 Bachelorette, 36, spoke out about her journey on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in a new op-ed for New York Magazine, explaining her ups and downs with the franchise.

In February, she interviewed longtime host Chris Harrison on Extra, during which he defended contestant Rachael Kirkconnell after racially charged Instagram posts resurfaced. He apologized multiple times after receiving backlash but ultimately stepped away from the franchise for good earlier this month, receiving a reportedly massive payout. While initial reports claimed he received a significant eight-figure payout, Variety claims that it was around $10 million.

In her op-ed, Lindsay explained her relationship with both “toxic” Bachelor Nation fans and the producers behind the scenes, who had full control of the narrative.

During Nick Viall‘s season of The Bachelor, she got into a discussion with Vanessa Grimaldi, who went on to win the season, during which Grimaldi, 33, started crying and claimed Lindsay bullied her. The Texas native, for her part, did not get emotional and knew she’d come off cold.

“When it was over, I stormed out — and of course the producers said, ‘Let’s talk about that. Why would you not show emotion?’ I lost it in the interview. I was bawling. I tried to explain, ‘You do not understand what it is to be a Black woman in this house full of white folks and for a white woman to cry in your face and call you a bully,'” she explained in the new blog. “Did she call any of the other women a bully? No, she picked me. One, because she knew I was a threat — Nick liked me the second most. Two, I felt she was projecting an unconscious bias onto me. I said, ‘I hope y’all show this in its entirety.’ An executive producer pulled me to the side and said, ‘This will never air.'”

On the other hand, the former “Bachelor Happy Hour” cohost explained that the producers also “protected” her during the process.

“Another time, I’d had two mixed drinks, and I was out-of-my-mind wasted. Astrid [Loch] was holding my hair back in the bathroom. (I drunkenly told her, ‘You are my only real friend.’) They could have brought cameras in there. They didn’t,” Lindsay wrote. “I sat in the ceremony that day as Nick gave out roses, my head resting on Astrid’s shoulder. My hair was disheveled. I wasn’t always like that, but all it takes is one mess-up. They could have taken those clips and depicted me as a wild Jezebel. They didn’t because I would never come out on top.”

Scroll through the gallery below for more from her new blog: