Madonna slated to direct her Diablo Cody-scripted biopic

Madonna. In her 60s. Probably with a subscription to the AARP magazine. The current adored and worshipful love of her life — maybe temporarily — is Ahlamalik Williams. He’s 26 and probably roller skates to the store for his copies of Bop Magazine and Teen Vogue. This nice boy’s parents are younger than she is, …

Anyway, between their rompers, news is she’s co-writing — with Oscar winner Diablo Cody — a biopic of her life. Madge herself will direct it. She, however, won’t star in it. Alec Baldwin’s newest infant, his fifth baby with his second wife, might play Ahlamalik.

The one that got away

A Michael Fuchs Galerie in Berlin holds a video of four character types outlined by Greek philosopher Galen, a VIP I have never met personally. On it, for some reason, Cate Blanchett blanches in “Sanguine,” “Choleric,” “Melancholic” and “Phlegmatic” for 3 ¹/₂ minutes. And for some reason I don’t understand, makes faces. And utters “I love you, I don’t love you.” There is an app called Acute Art, a way to experience and collect this “augmented reality.” I now know why I never interviewed Greek philosopher Galen.

Fools on parade

Like everything else that won’t — Thanksgiving’s traditional 2 ¹/₂-mile oom-pah down Central Park West won’t. Floats will attach to a few vehicles. Each balloon’s 80 to 100 handlers will watch it on TV like everyone else. Santa’s scheduled to schlep up at the end, unless he and Mrs. Claus blow the temperature checks.

History lesson

There’s BS about a third in line maybe for our presidency. I, Madam Adams, will educate you. The precedent semi-exists.

March 1849, on a Sunday at noon President Polk’s term expired and he did not seek re-election. George Dallas (a city got named for him) was out as VP. When President-elect Zachary Taylor refused to be sworn in on Sunday, the Lord’s Day, we were without a leader for that day. Our third in line was Missouri Sen. David Rice Atchison. Folklore holds that Atchison succeeded to the presidency for this day, but who’s to say for sure. I wasn’t there. Bio: Born, Frogtown, Ky. Educated, Transylvania U. Tiny “unofficial” Presidential Library in wherever-thehell’s Atchison, Kan. His Plattsburg, Mo., statue bears the legend “President of the US for one day.”

This “one-day 12th president” liked to say it was “the honestest administration this country ever had.”

Lawyering up

Pre-CV, we burbled too many lawyers, now not enough. Everyone’s suing. Divorce, custody, wills, mortgages, evictions, disputes, reorganizations, dismissals, bankruptcies, promissory notes, loan modifications, bank problems, collections unreturned, loans, businesses facing foreclosure, money not returned, raises canceled, contractors not showing up, promises not kept, work not done, lousy relatives, repossessing property with other attorneys defending millions of homeowners etc.

But NY Republicans, take heart. After Mr. & Mrs. de Blasio’s cutting-edge leadership and AOC’s BS sticking to us like merde, fear not. Following the Goldwater-for-President debacle, NYC elected Republican Mayor John Lindsay, Republican Mayor Giuliani, Republican (then) Mayor Bloomberg. So, remember that motto of House Stark on “Game of Thrones”: “Winter is coming.”

East Sider Dr. Marc Lazare on a dentist purifying his office: Custom sneeze guards to prevent transmissions. Appointments staggered, no waiting. Each room sanitized for the next patient. Masks, face shields, surgical gowns, head covers and disposables adopted. Activated by light, air purification and photoelectrochemical oxidation filters installed to purify released air into the atmosphere.

Suction system for removal of silver-mercury fillings. Multiple touch-free Purell dispensers. Arrivals pre-screened, temperature taken, squirted with antibacterials. Patients receiving his cell number for emergency concerns.

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.