With nobody doing what they should be doing, everybody’s doing something they shouldn’t. So, do not buy a painting from Mick Jagger. On Amazon Prime and Vudu today is some noirish thriller, “The Burnt Orange Heresy,” starring Mick. Also Donald Sutherland. Also Elizabeth Debicki. Jagger plays a villainous art dealer hustling stolen canvases. Twenty years since his last acting job. Trust me, a Robert De Niro he isn’t.
Jagger: “I hadn’t acted in so long. I’d forgotten how to do this, how to create this different persona. I had to ask, ‘so how’s this work again?’ I looked into art dealers I knew. Had conversations with them, plus people in the art world. I asked how the business worked, how people make crooked deals, how they make money. I actually did homework.”
It was shot around Italy’s Lake Como, a bank vault away from George Clooney’s palazzo. Trust me, even a Clooney he isn’t.
Emerald isle news
The Guinness family’s Irish Georgian Society founder Desmond Guinness just left us. His home was a whole castle outside Dublin. Repeat visitor was Mick Jagger … Laurence Fishburne on “#Freerayshawn,” his new Quibi Emmy-nominated dramatic TV series: “I play an African-American lieutenant cop in New Orleans. Significant role. We don’t hear enough of that perspective” … Al Sharpton plopped himself at Club Macanudo. Sitting along the curb. Smoking a cigar washed down with hot tea and talking to whomever wandered by. Even gave $20 to a panhandler shuffling past.
While females struggle with aesthetics — hair done, face fixed, chin tweezed — Toni Collette’s struggling with prosthetics. “I age slowly in Charlie Kaufman’s ‘I’m Thinking of Ending Things.’ I play four different versions. The oldest was 92. Tough experience getting that prosthetic makeup on. It’s bizarre to jump forward into what you might look like then.” She plays a mom whose son brings home a girlfriend. They live on a farm. Comes a snowstorm. Everyone’s stuck. But you can’t keep ’em down on the farm forever, ee-i-ee-i-oh. This movie happens starting Sept. 4. And like everything else anyone can think of, it’ll happen on Netflix.
AOC is destructive. Supporting the poor and working class? Not! Amazon’s expanding, hiring. Its workers get paid, have security. We’d have had an estimated 40,000 jobs plus financial benefit to neighborhoods. Build a plant in a working-class section of Queens? Even de Blasio saw the benefit. This ex-barkeep no-nothing socialist said Amazon’s getting too many tax breaks. The deal caved.
Bill O’Reilly: “De Blasio and Cuomo know bankruptcy looms. Our citizens are unemployed. Ocasio-Cortez is not smart enough to understand or doesn’t care.”
Blame the party
Don’t like Trump? Not my problem. Democrats, whose cities are on fire, they’re the problem. Those asses should have given this country someone to respect, not some shuddering soul sheltered in a subterranean chamber. He’s tried for this job before — when he was younger and sharper — twice — and still the country didn’t want him. The United States blew him off two times!
So don’t pick on the Donald — pick on the Democrats. This wobbly candidate-lite hunched over a boiler, a gas tank, a furnace and farina — hunting someone to lead him from the cellar — is their fault.
Good deed goes un-discounted
Elie Tahari saw his armless blue silk shirt on Francine Lefrak. She said she wanted it in black. He said it’s online. She’d been told it’s out of stock. Elie: “Impossible. I have 6,000 of them.” She tried again. Still out of stock. She called him and he learned his whole Web site was incorrect. He said without her he’d never have known. He said he was very grateful. He said he fixed the glitch. Her black shirts arrived. With the bill.
Only in New York, kids, Only in New York.