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‘Amy Schumer Learns to Cook’ leads desperate list of shows we don’t need right now

Entertainers really will do anything to stay in the limelight during these coronavirus days, when we can’t go to the movies, theater or concerts. Some of their attempts reek of desperation, like an armpit on a subway platform in the middle of August. “Grey’s Anatomy” ended its season early, and to pick up the scheduling …

Entertainers really will do anything to stay in the limelight during these coronavirus days, when we can’t go to the movies, theater or concerts. Some of their attempts reek of desperation, like an armpit on a subway platform in the middle of August.

“Grey’s Anatomy” ended its season early, and to pick up the scheduling slack, ABC has corralled a bunch of stars to sing their favorite Disney tunes to homebound Americans in something called “The Disney Family Singalong.” It features ABC collaborators such as Derek Hough, Julianne Hough, Carrie Ann Inaba, Kenny Ortega and . . . John Stamos. Are things so bad that we need John Stamos to sing a number from “Frozen” to end our doldrums?

Or will this be the thing that finally makes us succumb to ennui? Help me, Rhonda.  We all know Disney owns ABC, but this is shameless pandering, even for this shamelessly pandering “Bachelor” network.

Sadder still, the increasingly canceled Amy Schumer is doing a cooking show for the Food Network, Deadline reports.

The working title — because they’re obviously still waiting for the genius title to hit them like an anvil dropped from the roof of the Chrysler Building — is “Amy Schumer Learns to Cook.” Schumer will be seen with her husband, chef Chris Fischer, fixing brunch, tacos, pasta and cleaning the fridge. Does anybody care? Schumer had a wonderful series (“Inside Amy Schumer”) several years ago on Comedy Central and then made the mistake of flooding the marketplace with too much Schumer. By the time her movie with Goldie Hawn (“Snatched”) came and went in 2017, she was about done, but no. She went ahead and made “I Feel Pretty” in 2018, and then she was really done.

Here’s the thing about the Food Network. It has Ina Garten. It has Bobby Flay. It has Giada de Laurentiis. Star chefs who’ve run restaurants, written cookbooks and made our mouths water. What exactly would Schumer bring to the table here? Jokes about how she can’t even boil water? Or how she burned a grilled cheese sandwich? Ha-ha. Does her husband need exposure? When these fascinating eight episodes, “shot on location,” are released later in the spring, it will be interesting to see if anyone is watching.

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