Drake shares Miami Beach longevity doc with Blaine Trump

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Rapper Drake tested negative for the virus. However, self-quarantining in his giant shack in Toronto, he showed the world his incredible sneaker collection. Sneakerheads rejoiced. Drake calls Miami Beach-based longevity doctor Michael Hall — whose clients include Simon Cowell, HRH Princess Firyal of Jordan, king and queen of downtown Swaziland — when he needs CV …

Rapper Drake tested negative for the virus. However, self-quarantining in his giant shack in Toronto, he showed the world his incredible sneaker collection. Sneakerheads rejoiced.

Drake calls Miami Beach-based longevity doctor Michael Hall — whose clients include Simon Cowell, HRH Princess Firyal of Jordan, king and queen of downtown Swaziland — when he needs CV advice.

Blaine Trump gets to the doc via telemedicine. For local home visits, Dr. Hall is sending private nurses to give IV drips loaded with zinc and vitamin C.

Hey, we gotta adapt to all this

Mineola’s Rabbi Perl: “I got the courage to ask my wife why she insisted on a sermon. She reminded me that in shul, I make the sermons. At home, she makes them!

“So: Four questions of Elijah the Prophet. Like, Can we respectfully ask you to put on a surgical mask? They’re in four colors. As an angel, you may appreciate the blue one. It’s more of a heavenly color.

“Two: Can you please wash your hands with liquid soap for 20 seconds before drinking the Seder wine?

“Three: Be honest, visiting your last home, did you practice social distancing? If not, don’t worry, we’re all hiding in the closet until you leave.

“Four: For hygiene purposes, drink up all the wine. Enough with the sipping.”

Pols can self-mock

NYC’s Inner Circle spoof has gone poof. April’s annual New York Hilton poop-on-the-pols event is not. The city’s largest nearly 2,000-room hotel is shut and a maybe was smaller cheaper Ziegfeld Ballroom — but now nisht.

Writers usually start brewing their poison months in advance, but now nothing’s to be done. Our city politicians will just have to stay inside and pee on each other.

Theme song helps

Liz Callaway, alone, driving her car, is singing Stephen Schwartz’s “Beautiful City” East Side, West Side, all around the town. A taped orchestra and chorus accompanies her. In a verse: “Out of the ruins and rubble … Out of our night of struggle/Can we see a ray of hope?”

In the chorus: “We can build a beautiful city . . . Not a city of angels/But we can build a city of man.”

Be positive!

NYC: Think of surviving wars, occupation of countries, deprivation, brutality of concentration camps, prison camps. Terror signifies bombs falling on London in the Blitz. Not everyone will get the virus. People in their 80s are surviving it. Age is no automatic death sentence. Straighten out. Stay home, and hang on tight. Look up — not down.

Wins & losses

The profiteers: One received a notification about exercise on Skype for $300 a session. A luxury brand offered to assign a “guide” for online shopping. Another told of a 10 percent discount for stockings and pantyhose — which who-thehell is out wearing.

The nonprofiteers: A homeowner began cleaning out. Into big black garbage bags came old pillows, rusted patio tchotchkes, frayed fabrics, also dead plants. Sanitation truckers, paid yearly even if the homeowner’s away for months, opened each bag, decided their job was to not collect anything nature related — like plants — and dumped those precise objects on the stoop.

Regime change

Soon females will strut white hair, chin whiskers, cheek wrinkles, scraggly eyebrows, big behinds, thick glasses, lost teeth, broken nails, shriveled hands and crappy clothes. Our ’tis of thee will be a land of upright lizards.

Jim Fragale exercised solo in Riverside Park. His T-shirt: “Hang in. Hang on. But, don’t hang out.”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.