“I was petrified. I was literally petrified. The first time I had to sit down and did the skin on skin … I didn’t want to break him,” the Vanderpump Rules alum, 41, told Us Weekly exclusively on Wednesday, May 5. “I was so scared. I thought I was going to drop him.”

Though he felt better after seeing how nurses “manhandled” his son, Jax’s fears still got the best of him. At first, the reality star had to mentally prepare every time he held Cruz.

“It was a big deal. I put pillows all around me. … I was like, ‘OK, don’t talk to me. I don’t want to talk. Don’t come near me. Don’t breathe on me,’” the former bartender said. “After a couple of days went by, I loosened up a little bit.”

While he now feels like he’s “really good” at holding his son, there’s still one maneuver he won’t risk.

“He still hasn’t walked up the stairs with him yet,” Brittany, 32, told Us.

The couple, who wed in June 2019, welcomed their son in April.

“Yesterday, April 12th at 1:51pm, our lives changed forever in the absolute best way possible. Our beautiful son Cruz Michael Cauchi was born and we have never been more in love,” the Kentucky native wrote via Instagram at the time. “He is the most precious gift and I am so blessed to be his Mommy. 💙 We are soooooo so happy, he is a dream come true!! 😭💙- Both Mommy & Baby are doing great!”

Although they were close before, experiencing parenthood for the first time together changed Jax and Brittany’s relationship.

“The fact that we just made this beautiful child and we’re responsible for this human being, you know, his upbringing and everything, we’re always bouncing things off each other,” the Michigan native explained. “It’s definitely brought more love into the house. It’s just been amazing, you know? No crazy blowups. … I mean, it’s only been almost a month, but no craziness [or] unexpectedness so far.”

Because the couple’s former costars Stassi Schroeder, Lala Kent and Scheana Shay all had children within months of each other, the pair have received plenty of good advice.

“I had Stassi and Lala, thank God, [and] I made sure to tell Scheana everything I knew because she was right after me,” Brittany added. “Honestly, we’re a lot closer. … Being a parent and stuff just puts your priorities in check.”

This story originally appeared on: US Magazine - Author:Sophia Vilensky