Nice Pablo, A-1 Colombian drug lord, narco terrorist, might still be running the Medellín cartel if not for that really rude gunshot to his head.

The casting call: “Principal/Male/45 to 65/Caucasian/Latin. To impersonate Escobar for [an] NY promotion. $200 cash for 1.5 hours. Payment following the event. Must be 5-foot-5 height, black hair, able to improvise with public.” (Not, of course, to hustle them into buying smack.)

Employers to follow guidelines of distancing, masking, temperature checking. Before CV, I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to impersonate this nice, kind Pablo gentleman. Even on HBO’s “Entourage,” when Adrian Grenier’s character took part in a fictional Escobar biopic, it failed miserably. But folks are now desperate for a job.

Attention: GOP

Mr. President, leader of the free world, commander in chief of the Armed Forces, most powerful VIP in the world:

Sir: Dealing with how-to’s of voting, I know nothing. What follows isn’t from my own limited thinking. I just repeat and report.

With great respect, a swarm of pros are terrified of extreme leftists.

They’re scared a wheezing creature may creep from his basement woodwork to lead such an infestation. They have thus requested I forward their need for what they consider a specialized team of exterminators. They say:

1. You need mojo back. High energy. You alone leading the campaign. You enjoyed 2016, had fun, exuded octane. We don’t have that around you now.

2. Acquire a disciplined message. Explain the binary choice. It’s not a conversation. It’s a choice. Trump means border security. Trump means law and order. Trump means lower taxes. Trump means lower regulation. Biden means open borders, defunding police, higher taxes, more regulation. Also a live-in nurse.

“It’s a choice between issues. It’s the future of America. Reagan once said: It’s “raising a banner of bold colors, no pale pastels.”

Describe to the people simply, in plain terms: This is my America. That is his America.

Stop personal grievances. Don’t punch down on Lilliputians who do not matter. Whothehell cares about them. They’re nothings. They make no difference in the election. Focus on message. Only stay on message.

Fewer than 10 battleground states — 270 electoral votes — must be won. All of these must be won:

North Carolina — he won in 2016
Georgia — he won in 2016
Florida — he won in 2016
Pennsylvania — he won in 2016
Wisconsin — he won in 2016
Michigan — he won in 2016
Arizona — he won in 2016
New Hampshire — he did not in 2016
Minnesota — he did not win in 2016

Required is the disciplined team who helped guide the 2016 ship. Soldiers to protect America. People who understand what the silent majority think and feel. They’re what’s needed.

Of Steve Bannon — who lives on potato chips and is considered a nut — they say “he’s at least our nut.” And he can collect 2016’s whole Wizard of Odds winning team: Corey Lewandowski, David Bossie, who walks around holding a football, and Kellyanne Conway, who’ll face TV at 5 a.m. dressed and again at 11 p.m. in another dress.

Oy. Only in America, kids, only in America.