On Wednesday, the reality star, 34, described the aftermath of her split as “heavy, dark times,” saying that she sought help from a doctor after returning to Canada from Europe, where her ex had been playing hockey.

“I remember on a scale of 1 to 10 being suicidal,” Bristowe, who was 27 at the time, said in a YouTube video titled “My Life Story.” “I remember … just feeling like I had nothing, and that life was over for me, that I had given up all my hopes and dreams, and that the love of my life was now gone.”

Bristowe said her doctor prescribed her both an anti-depressant and Valium, which is often used to treat anxiety disorders.

“It made me numb,” she said of her experience taking Valium. “I didn’t feel anything. I got to sleep, I got to not ‘feel my feelings,’ and that felt great to me. I had become addicted to Valium, and I was about 93 pounds, and that is when somebody had to shake me and said, ‘You can’t live like this. This is not you.’”

The podcaster said she got “sick of feeling numb” and “wanted to feel feelings again,” so she quit taking the medication.

At that point, she moved to Vancouver to launch a career in the restaurant industry. She also auditioned for “The Bachelor” and was cast on Chris Soules’ season in early 2015. While Bristowe came in third place during Soules’ cycle, she became “The Bachelorette” for the show’s eleventh season later that year.

“You can’t let anyone be responsible for your own happiness,” Bristowe saidduring the podcast. “That is up to you.”

In January 2019, Bristowe confirmed she is dating “Bachelorette” alum Jason Tartick.