The comedian tore into former hedge-fund manager James Altucher’s argument that the Big Apple was in tatters and beyond repair Monday with his own op-ed in the New York Times.

“He says everyone’s gone for good. How the hell do you know that? You moved to Miami,” Seinfeld wrote of Altucher, who fled during the pandemic for the Sunshine State.

The comedian then mocked the New York City defector for whining about not being able to attend shows.

“Feeling sorry for yourself because you can’t go to the theater for a while is not the essential element of character that made New York the brilliant diamond of activity it will one day be again,” he said.

Seinfeld also noted that he’s been on stage “quite a few times” at Standup NY — an Upper West Side comedy club co-owned by Altucher, who bemoaned its temporary closure as one of the reasons for his exodus.

“It could use a little sprucing up, if you don’t mind my saying. I wouldn’t worry about it. You can do it from Miami,” he wrote.

The Brooklyn native acknowledged that the city is going through “one of the toughest times” but argued that it didn’t mean the city wouldn’t recover.

“But one thing I know for sure: The last thing we need in the thick of so many challenges is some putz on LinkedIn wailing and whimpering, ‘Everyone’s gone! I want 2019 back!’” he wrote.

He argued that internet bandwidth can’t transmit the “attitude” of the Big Apple.

“There’s some other stupid thing in the article about ‘bandwidth’ and how New York is over because everybody will ‘remote everything.’ Guess what: Everyone hates to do this. Everyone. Hates,” he wrote.

“Energy, attitude and personality cannot be ‘remoted’ through even the best fiber optic lines. That’s the whole reason many of us moved to New York in the first place.”