Lala Kent dished about her childhood, rise to fame (she auditioned to play Kaitlin Cooper on The O.C.!), biggest meltdowns on Vanderpump Rules and her relationship with now-fiancé Randall Emmett in her new book, Give Them Lala.

“I wrote it because I thought people would be that interested in my life story. I feel like since I signed on to Vanderpump, there was like a microscope on me that I was not used to,” the 30-year-old told Us Weekly exclusively ahead of her memoir’s release on Tuesday, May 4. “And I kept feeling like I needed to explain certain things. And then the whole thing with Randall came about and I felt like I was just walking into rooms with a Scarlet letter on me and just this heaviness of me needing to explain how it happened or why I am the way I am. And even though these things had happened a long time ago, I was still carrying them with me up until recently.”

Kent added that writing the book was “a release” for her.

“I’m going to sit down and I’m going to tell the story of how it really happened and it’s going to be entertaining for a lot of people,” she explained. “And I hope that some people read it and walk away with maybe just feeling a little bit better about not being perfect or making mistakes and saying, ‘That’s OK though because now I’m a better person for those things that I did in my past.'”

Bravo fans met the Utah native when she joined the cast of Vanderpump Rules during season 4 of the show, which filmed during the summer of 2015. She was single at the time, entering what she referred to as her “ho phase.”

In the first chapter, she explained, “Reality TV plus slut-shaming plus alcohol turned young, sensitive, insecure Lauren Burningham into a badder, madder version of herself — Lala Kent.”

While Vanderpump Rules fans will get some answers about her actions (including whether it was really about the pasta), Kent is also vulnerable about her battle with alcoholism, struggles with Emmett and having an abortion in her early 20s.

“My publisher even said, like, ‘Are you really wanting to write about this? Because you may not get the feedback that you think you might get,’” she told Us. “And I was OK with that because it happened. And it’s not something that I am proud of, but again, it happened and there are women and girls that are dealing with that and facing that choice every single day. So, if I can make it a little, I don’t even want to say easier, but if I can make them feel a little bit more at peace with it, then I’m happy. Even if it’s just one girl.”

Scroll through for the biggest takeaways from Give Them Lala:

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This story originally appeared on: US Magazine - Author:Sarah Hearon