“I grew up in an old-fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay,” the English model, 28, told Gwyneth Paltrow on her “Goop” podcast on Tuesday, March 16. “I didn’t know that was a thing and actually, I think growing up … I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic. The idea of being [with] same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh, my God, I would never. That’s disgusting, ugh.’”

Delevingne continued, “I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that. But, actually, that was the part of me that I love so much and accept.”

The Suicide Squad actress admitted that “there is still a part” of her that wishes she could “just be straight” instead, adding that it’s all “really complicated.” She additionally explained that her sexual orientation is “constantly changing.”

As Delevingne worked on understanding her sexuality over the years, she came to realize how it impacted her career as a model. “I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model. That whole thing of having to fit into the box — I’m an androgynous person’” she explained. “I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man.’ I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”

In 2016, the Carnival Row star told Vogue that it took her “a long time to accept the idea” that she could be attracted to someone of the same sex until she fell in love with a woman at age 20. “[I] recognized that I had to accept it,” she explained to the magazine, noting that “we’re all liquid” and can “change” over time.

Delevingne previously dated actress Michelle Rodriguez in 2014 and singer St. Vincent from 2014 to 2016, but she has also been linked to Harry Styles and Rita Ora. Her most high-profile romance was with Ashley Benson, who she dated for nearly two years before their split in 2020.

When Benson moved on with her now-ex G-Eazy shortly after the breakup, Delevingne came to her former love’s defense via her Instagram Story. “It’s more important than ever to spread love, not hate,” she wrote in May 2020. “To everyone hating on @ashleybenson please stop. You don’t know the truth, only her and I do, and that’s exactly how it should be.”

The following month, the Paper Towns star opened up about how she is not limiting herself in who she chooses to love.

“I always will remain, I think, pansexual,” she told Variety at the time. “However one defines themselves, whether it’s ‘they’ or ‘he’ or ‘she,’ I fall in love with the person — and that’s that. I’m attracted to the person.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or The Trevor Project’s TrevorLifeline for LGBTQ identifying individuals at 1-866-488-7386.

This story originally appeared on: US Magazine - Author:Dory Jackson