“Instead of bringing our boy home today, we brought him home early in December in this beautiful urn,” the Bachelor alum, 36, captioned a photo showing a gold urn, a block reading “CJ” and a dog-patterned shirt. “Every morning I hold him close to me and wish that things were different. That my heart wasn’t broken into a million pieces. That I just would have made it to the hospital a little sooner.”

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The North Carolina native went on to write, “Today, the snow has forced New York into a standstill. I’m imagining that this is CJ making it into the world in a different way. By giving all the families here a day to be together or play together in the snow. By giving us all a little rest. Rest easy, sweet CJ. We will miss you forever.”

Fellow Bachelor Nation member Catherine Giudici commented on the social media upload: “Sending you love friend.”

Spivey suffered a miscarriage in November 2020 and documented the tragedy on her Instagram Story. “They were having trouble finding the heartbeat so they did two ultrasounds with two different doctors,” the former reality star wrote from the hospital at the time. “But the result was the same. CJ died sometime between my doctor visit and my hospital visit.”

The former ABC personality was given an epidural and delivered her baby boy. “I am very sad and very scared but more than anything, I am just completely heartbroken,” Spivey captioned a selfie from her hospital bed. “I feel like a failure. … I’m so sad that I couldn’t protect him.”

She and her husband, Steve Hunsberger, previously suffered a pregnancy loss in May 2019. “I found out VERY early that I was pregnant,” she captioned a sonogram shot at the time. “This was a very wanted pregnancy. Steve and I are both ready for a family. However, it was not meant to be this time. While the doctor spotted the fetal pole cardiac activity at 6 weeks, on Monday (8 weeks) with my sis and Steve in the room we received some bad news — the embryo actually had shrunk and the doctor concluded that I was experiencing a miscarriage.”

Spivey competed for Brad Womack’s heart on season 15 of The Bachelor. In May 2016, she wed Hunsberger in North Carolina.

This story originally appeared on: US Magazine - Author:Riley Cardoza