“For me, the money was basically in my pocket, the check was already written,” the reality star, 34, told Us Weekly about having to exit Double Agents. “This money was mine and there was nobody who was gonna come get my skull for me. I was literally just waiting for the final to get there, so I could just cross everybody else and take the money.”

After revealing that her period was late during a FaceTime call to her sister, Nadiya Anderson, production had her take a pregnancy test — and it was positive.

“I’m this different person when I’m on these shows — like, there’s nothing that’s gonna stop me from getting what I want or trying to get what I want,” she explained to Us. “It was, like, this weird wave of happiness, shock, surprise, disappointment. I didn’t even process what I was actually feeling. I was just like, ‘How am I pregnant? I want to win this money!’ I love my boyfriend, but he’s not here. It was just the most awkward way to find out you’re pregnant because it could have been an amazing feeling, but I didn’t have the opportunity to feel like that because I was just so confused and torn about having to leave the game, but also was super excited and happy.”

After that, she flew home from Iceland, reuniting with her boyfriend, Devin Perez, and headed to the doctor.

“I could finally breathe and embrace the pregnancy in a way that I hadn’t felt while I was out there. I was now embracing in a different light. I realized everything happens for a reason. I had to give up winning, potentially, half a million dollars. But on the flip side, I get to embrace this cool journey with somebody I love and trust to be my partner in life,” the MTV star shared with Us. After a doctor’s appointment, she got confirmation she was eight weeks pregnant.

Unfortunately, one week later, she began cramping and suffered a miscarriage. She chose to share her story with the hope that it would help others.

“I had just kind of come to peace with leaving the game and saying goodbye to the competition of The Challenge, which I love, came back home and changed my mindset into this new journey. And that was then taken away from me. It was hard for me,” Natalie said. “I just did everything I needed to do to make peace with what had happened and embrace the difficulty of everything, but also use it as a way to strengthen my bond with my boyfriend. I think it definitely was a make or break for us because it was so much emotion and I’m just really proud of coming out of this. I was dreading the show airing because it would remind me of everything I’d gone through.”

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This story originally appeared on: US Magazine - Author:Emily Longeretta